Where are all the jokes?

[wearthefoxhat]

I bought myself some Bermuda shorts last week. Guess what - they've disappeared.

[Derek27]

Why did Derek cross the road?

To wait for the RAC because his Range Rover ran out of petrol on the way to the country club

You can't get anything right. You mean, "to get to his Range Rover that ran out of petrol, on his way to the country club". You don't cross the road to wait for the RAC, you sit in the car and wait. The old "to get to the other side" joke would have been funnier.

[paspuggie48]

Loving the one liners !!!

Insane jokes out there...sorry, I meant inane...how silly of me !!

[LeTiss]

When down the pub last night and met this cracking girl.
She promised to show me a good time....

We got outside, she ran 100m in 9.78secs

[paspuggie48]

When down the pub last night and met this cracking girl.
She promised to show me a good time....

We got outside, she ran 100m in 9.78secs

Fuckin' Chorlton and the Wheelies, that made me laugh !

[paspuggie48]

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

[Kai]

I'm ashamed to admit it, but if I owned a DeLorean I'd probably only drive it from time to time.

[jimibt]

some lovely ones from the edinburgh fringe festival -this one made me chuckle:

“In my last relationship, I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me.”

or this one:

“When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body. Then I was born.”

[Realrocknrolla]

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

[jimibt]

“Most of my life is spent avoiding conflict. I hardly ever visit Syria.”

[weemac]

I've just bought 800 bottles of Tippex.

I've made a massive mistake.

[decomez6]

G.O.D to trader : ,"what you want be in heaven, a seller or a buyer?"

Trader : " a match with a nun made in heaven . but where is you nose God, you lost it ?"

G.O.D. : " its nun your business"

[jimibt]

“I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.”

[jimibt]

... and to finish of the edinburgh gag marathon, my absolute fave:

“Maybe Hitler wouldn’t have been so grumpy if people hadn’t left him hanging for high fives all the time.”

[paspuggie48]

I try to check out the Edinburgh Festival Best Fringe joke award when I can.

The winner in 2019 was....

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

The other 9....

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy"
"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh"
"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'"
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it"
"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning"
"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it"
"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging"
"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian"
"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts"